Sunday, January 2, 2011


"Let's keep the Christ in Christmas" That was one of the more comical bumper stickers I saw over the holidays. "My body is a temple 5 days a week, but it's an amusement park on the weekends" drew a smile. Then there was "Fuck you, you fuckin' fuck". Awesome.

The break went a bit different than planned. Me thought I would ride quite a bit, but it got cold and snowy out - thus 5 runs in 6 days. I know, what the hell, right? OK, the runners of the world would scoff, so let me rephrase and say I jogged 4 times and crawled once. I bowled once too - so I got my upper body workout in. I had a great break in Tucson after working straight through Dec 26th. Working Christmas Eve and Day doesn't really mean shit to me. I've never been a big Holiday guy - as in celebrating on the exact day - I just want some time off at some point over the holidays to see family and sip Maker's Mark which reminds me of how weak of a drinker I really am. Total poser.

Now that Defcon 5 has been averted at work its time to turn my attention to turns this in snowboard turns. You know, because I'm forty fuckin' three already and I never seem to get enough turns in. The last thing I want to be is lying in a hospital bed when I'm 71 lamenting a lack of turns when I was a yute. Gold watch from work when I retire? Shaaa, right. Statue in my name at town square? That's a lot of ass kissing. I just want to have fun, today. Right now. All the time.

Happy New Year and spare me your resolutions. Just get whatever it is done quietly, with purpose, and without fanfare and we'll all be better for it.


It's Sunday, and I've had 'one of those days' at work that I just want to erase from my hard drive. Pissed of customers with "entitilitis", broken water lines, backed up sewage, downed electric lines from a blizzard, and the bane of all white people - wireless internet that doesn't work. "OMG - WTF am I gonna do". I dunno lady, try connecting with your husband or your abandoned kids for once?

I drive fairly aimlessly into town and see the lone Conoco gas station on the right. They have 24oz cans of Tecate for 1.99. Yeah, buddy. I bring one of those tallboys to the counter and the young cashier says "Do you have your points card with you".

Points card for a gas station?

Conoco, Hilton, Amazon, and every credit card out there boast a customer loyalty program that is sure to undeniably ensure that you buy more from said vendor just so you can save more. No, I don't have a points card for Conoco. The now not so sweet cashier shrugs as if I'm the dumbass and rings me up.

My personal fave is traveling out of state and going to a grocery store that is not in AZ. Flo asks for my 'shopper card' or whatever it's called, and I don't have one, so my grocery bill goes from $34 to $134 because I'm now paying a 5000 percent markup for apples, power bars, and a sixer of High Life. I explain I'm from out of state....fucking crickets from Flo. So - I stand in line and fill out a form to be a 'shopper card' member for one day so I don't get raped in front of 11 witnesses in the checkout line.